Life with the Kids
Adopting our children is the best thing we have ever done in our lives. They have made re-prioritize our lives, to slow down, and to get more pleasure from the simple things. Both our daughters are happy, healthy, smart, and beautiful. They have made this journey a joyful one. Perfect kids do not exist. My daughters bear this out. They tend to operate at either of two extremes; best buddies and co-conspirators, or arch enemies. Catherine, our oldest, tends to protest the injustice of sharing with her sister. Rosie, on the other hand, doesn't bother with protest or diplomacy, but achieves her goals through brute force. They both have their share of time-outs. In short, they are perfectly normal.
Education
Because we live in rural Indiana, there is not a large Asian segment in the student body. Thus far, this has not been an issue. In the past few years, schools across the country have really cracked down on bullying. This has probably helped decrease the likelihood that ethnic teasing will be an issue. We also regularly communicate with their teachers, and encourage them to incorporate Chinese events, such as New Year and the Moon Festival, into the curriculum.
Culture
Although our girls are American Citizens, their birth culture is still Chinese. It would be unfair of us to deny them access to their birth culture. Ideally, we would like them to grow up equally comfortable with both their American and Chinese heritage. We encourage their curiosity through Chinese storybooks, tapes and CDs, videos (Big Bird in China is a particular favorite) and through support groups. We are active participants in the local chapter of Families with Children from China (FCC). As the name implies, these regional chapters are made up of parents, children, and extended families of people who have adopted, or are considering adopting, children from China. I strongly encourage anyone considering Chinese adoption to join their local chapter. To find it, visit the national FCC web site at www.fwcc.org. There you'll find a easy guide to locating the nearest chapter. We also participate in events at the local Asian cultural center, Crane House (www.cranehouse.org). We will encourage our kids to learn about Chinese culture as long as and as much as they are interested.
Adoption as a Celebration
Rather than playing down the significance of being adopted, we've made it a centerpiece of their lives. We've shared their life story with them since they were babies, and included their birth families in our blessings during bedtime prayers each night. Each summer, we celebrate their "Gotcha Day" with a big cookout. Friends, neighbors, family, and fellow adoptive families attend. Our kids look forward to this celebration months ahead of time.
Is Chinese Adoption Right for You?
The decision to adopt (from China or domestically) is a big decision.
It involves big money (from $15K to $20K). But contrary to snide comments
in the media, this is not "buying" a baby. Of that amount, only a small
portion goes to the orphanage. Considering how many children are cared
for in the Chinese welfare system, this amount is not unreasonable. The
rest of the expense is tied up in travel, home studies, paperwork, government
fees, and other expenses. Adoption involves a lifetime commitment to another
human being. It involves major lifestyle changes. And it forces you to
make another person the focus of your life, rather than yourself. Adoption,
at some level, always involves a leap of faith. If you are considering
it, I strongly encourage you to do some research. Investigate agencies
on the internet. Ask for references. Check them. We were very happy with
our agency, Families Thru International Adoption (FTIA), and used them
for both adoptions. They post numerous families for references. To check
them out, visit www.ftia.org.
The decision to adopt has been one that we've never regretted. The pure
joy of having our children around us, and watching them grow up so astonishingly
fast, has been the best thing in our lives.
